DEAR MISS MANNERS: We needed a plumber recently, and during the four hours he was on the job, the plumber spent well over an hour on his phone for non-work-related calls.
More and more, it seems that hourly workers (tradespeople, home health aides, etc.) are taking personal calls, texting and checking social media during their time with me. It is a waste of my money and time, but I worry that the quality of work will be impacted if I complain.
GENTLE READER: How would you feel about a painter who listened to the radio while nevertheless doing an excellent job painting the house?
Miss Manners entirely agrees with you that an honest person does not bill for time that is not spent working. Nor does she object to asking the plumber to check the time when he presents his bill, as you believe he was in the hall taking a call from 11 to noon, not in the kitchen, working on the sink.
She merely recognizes that modern work habits are different than those she grew up with.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was telling a neighbor that I just learned I have to have surgery. I only said a few words, and my neighbor immediately unloaded all his health problems that he thought might be similar to mine. He monopolized the conversation.
Whenever I see him, he interrupts my stories and takes off with his own, without any consideration to me. What can I say to him?
GENTLE READER: If your concern is that you have to listen to your neighbor’s boring (or gross) medical history, then Miss Manners recommends withholding news of your own.
If you only seek equal time, you may have to experiment with letting him go first, in the (perhaps vain) hope that your turn will come.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in health care and frequently call patients regarding their appointments. I use their first names if we are already acquainted, and Mr./Mrs. for people I am not familiar with -- and for older patients, who seem to prefer the formality.
However, I am less confident about addressing patients who have, or have had, titles. If the paperwork says “Dr.” (as in a Ph.D.), am I supposed to address them as such? I have yet to have a duke or duchess, but I do have members of congress, judges, senators, religious leaders and the like -- as well as people who have held such positions in the past.
My fallback is to ask people how they would like me to address them. But I wonder if there are etiquette guidelines about this.
GENTLE READER: Indeed, there are. Miss Manners refers you to her extensive written guidelines on the subject, and those of others.
But as you seem to be improvising -- and in a somewhat haphazard fashion that is going to get you into trouble -- she recommends you start applying what you call your “fallback” to everyone. Why don’t we start asking everyone, as part of the standard paperwork, how they would prefer to be addressed -- and then use that?