Dear Annie: Where do I even start? My senior friend has been draining me emotionally for the past 15 years. We were neighbors and acquaintances, but we never went anywhere or did anything together. Our friendship was limited to exchanging small gifts or cards for events like birthdays, and that was fine -- until one fall day when she completely lost her temper. She started shouting and ranting in front of the neighbors, saying terrible things. I was so upset that I left her outside and went into my house while she continued her tirade.
After that incident, I felt deeply hurt and began distancing myself from her. I treaded carefully whenever we spoke, but it was clear I was moving on and no longer wanted to be friends. Then, one winter night, she showed up on my doorstep, screaming and crying, trying to reconcile. Instead of fixing things, it only made matters worse.
To this day, she still sends me letters trying to rebuild the friendship. I’ve cut ties completely because it’s too emotionally draining, but she won’t let go. There was never any closeness between us, and I can’t handle the stress anymore.
Have I done the right thing by letting her go? What can I do to finally move on from this? Thank you.
-- A Senior “Used-to-Be” Friend
Dear Used to be Friends: It’s clear that you’ve been deeply affected by this relationship, and it sounds like you’ve done your best to navigate a difficult situation with care. Friendships can be beautiful and fulfilling, but when they become one-sided or emotionally draining, it’s natural to question whether continuing them is the right choice.
From what you’ve shared, it seems you’ve made thoughtful decisions to protect your peace and well-being. It’s not easy to step away from someone, especially after so many years, but your emotional health is just as important as theirs. You’ve tried to create distance respectfully, and you’re not wrong for prioritizing your own needs when the friendship no longer feels healthy or supportive.
As for whether you’ve done the right thing -- yes, it’s OK to let go of relationships that drain you. Sometimes, even with the best intentions, people grow apart or simply aren’t compatible as friends. You’ve given this relationship many chances, and now you’re choosing to move forward, which is a healthy and compassionate step for yourself.
If her attempts to reconnect are making you feel pressured or uncomfortable, it’s important to maintain your boundaries. A kind but firm statement, such as, “I appreciate the memories we’ve shared, but I’ve decided to move on. I wish you the best,” might help provide closure. You’re not obligated to reenter a relationship that you’ve already let go of, and it’s OK to stop responding if she continues reaching out.
At the heart of it, letting go of someone doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you human. Trust yourself, and know that moving on is sometimes the most loving thing you can do for both yourself and the other person.